So I'm feeling kind of stressed and a little bummed out right now, so I thought maybe I would write down a few of my thoughts...I guess for some personal therapy (and so all my friends and family can give me some encouragement I suppose).
Anyway, things are starting to get really quiet around Lake Powell. Most of the seasonal employees have left or are leaving in the next couple of days. Meal times and the Rec are no longer crowded or a good opportunity to socialize with my co-workers. I will probably have to cancel the hiking trip I have planned to Hovenweep on Monday because nobody has signed up. Sigh. I guess I'm just frustrated because I am now wishing I would not have committed to staying here until the end of September. The marina is still fairly busy, people squeezing in one last vacation before the kiddos go back to school. For me though, things are slowing down quite a bit and I hope I won't have to cancel any other trips.
I think I am also a little sad that I'm not going back to school. This has surprised me because I was so happy and relieved to finally be done last May, so I can't imagine I would want to go back.
I am coming home in just 6 weeks. But I'm not even sure what "home" is anymore. My parents moved last May, but I haven't lived with them in so long anyway (and they moved I think 2 miles). Logan had kind of become my home. Sometimes I consider Salt Lake my home. I think all along I assumed I would find a job in Salt Lake and move back there and pick up where I left off last year when I had to move back to Logan to finish school. My friend Carlee jokes about us finally getting to be friends again. It's kind of true because it has been hard to talk as often as we used to and we rarely get to hang out. Things have changed though. Carlee lives with Joe and Andrea has a new roommate and we're starting to spread out more and more. John pointed out the other day that he feels like he has made a life and a home in Logan and he is ok staying there for awhile. I could keep Logan as my home, but for some reason I am having a hard time getting excited about that.
I will soon be at a crossroads of my life where I will have to make some pretty important decisions. I'm trying to just enjoy my remaining time at Lake Powell and not stress out too much about the future and things I don't have control over...at least not yet. For those of you who really know me, you know how silly I can be sometimes and that I like to worry myself sick over things sometimes. I'm just trying to stay positive and be happy, but I feel like I will soon be under a lot of pressure.
Luckily I have really supportive friends and an amazing family that is always there for me. My parents say I can move in with them for awhile if I need to. John is 99% sure he can watch my cats for a few weeks while I am in-between jobs and apartments. I think I can always sleep on my brother's or sister's couch if I really need to (hint, hint). In my head and in my heart I know things will all work out...but in the meantime I will still be worried.
So for now, the plan is to stay in Lake Powell until my contract is up at the end of September. I will have a week or two before my temporary nanny job starts, so hopefully I will get a lot of time to catch up with family and friends and make up for some lost time this summer. Then I will be nannying in Salt Lake for about 5-6 weeks while I stay with my parents and job search. Then I will find an amazing job that I will love and a great apartment where I can have my cats and everything will be fine. It really is all quite simple, right? :-)
1 comment:
It is a weird feeling when you're done with school and everyone's going back but you're not. Dan and I loved Logan and it felt like home, but I think if I went back as not a student, it wouldn't be the same. It's hard when the future is uncertain, but I'm sure things will work out.
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